A match day in the life of a typical rag fan.
I woke up in my mufc decorated room. Looked at my mufc Gary Neville face clock. Time to get up. Out of bed and into my "fred the red" slippers. Drew back my "theatre of dreams" curtains and let the morning sun gently warm my face. "Life is good I thought".
Dressed quickly in my nited shirt, Farah trousers and Hi-tec trainers, no time for a shower today, it's match day, I'll just wear more "The King" aftershave to hide my stench. I'm soooooooooo excited!!!! We play City today at OT in the title decider!!!
Downstairs for breakfast, Mum's made my favourite, Y.U.M, egg and soldiers!! "Eat up Dave" she says, it will calm those nerves!! What would I ever do without Mum? Maybe one day I'll leave and live with a girl, plenty of time for that though, after all, I'm only 46.
Grab my green and gold scarf and I'm off. Phone my mate to see what time we are meeting. How will I get there? Car, taxi, train? No I'll walk, that way I can meet other fans along the way and talk about nited!! E.X.C.I.T.E.D!!!!!
I set off, along the way I have visions of Scholesey passing the ball this way and that. If I ever have daughter Ill name her Scholesey.
Start to mingle with other fans, there are loads of us, it's like this every match day. Thousands and thousands of us all heading in the same direction.
Finally I'm there, I see my mate Trev. "Awight geezer, glad you could make it" We are both as excited as each other. Secretly I do a little wee in my pants.
The sound is incredible, hundreds of people around me cheering and singing. Then Trev taps me on the shoulder. "Pint of lager Dave"? he asks.
What would I do without the pub? I mean I will go to OT one day but it's 200 miles away and my dole doesn't stretch that far. Trev went once, he said it was just like being at Arsenal.
We lose the match 3-0. I walk home alone to Mum. Good job it's chops for tea.
I spend all night crying alone.
